Everyone talks about finding meaning and most of us have a sense of what we want out of life at some point or another. However, sometimes our worldview changes, and sometimes we get lost.

Seemingly small decisions throughout our lives can add up. These decisions can take us down an unexpected path toward a life that doesn’t remotely resemble the one we once dreamed of. It’s not uncommon for people to wake up in their mid-thirties or forties and ask themselves — what the hell happened?

The point of this post is to identify problems that cause unhappiness. And the first step in fixing a problem is identifying the cause. Here are 10 ways to fuck up your life.

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1. Marry the wrong person — I laugh when I hear people talk about how risky it is to start a business. Getting married is far riskier yet people do it — sometimes multiple times — without giving it much thought. Marriage is often a purely emotional decision [for many] yet impacts every facet of our lives. While being in love is a part of it, it’s important to make sure you and your spouse’s core values align. When these values don’t — love isn’t enough to save the ship. I suspect that most divorces occur not because the couple fell out of love, but because they failed to thrive together.
2. Use drugs and alcohol — This is obvious and should be avoided. Alcohol and drugs ruin lives and most addicts will sell their souls for a fix. It’s a sad spiral to watch.
3. Get comfortable — How do people get stuck in a dead-end job? Why do people stay in unhappy relationships? Why do we make choices that ultimately lead us to become unhealthy? The answer is comfort. Comfort is the enemy of the person we strive to be. The quickest way to lose yourself is by being comfortable and complacent. Taking risks is the only way out.
4. Create money problems — Having financial difficulties on a consistent basis will change you as a person. Not to mention, debt is a tool used to enslave us. When you’re broke, money is often the only thing you can think of. Usually, this leads to making decisions and taking jobs that don’t align with our true selves. It’s important to keep our finances in order and live within our means. Money may not buy happiness but being broke will surely make you miserable.
5. Choose the wrong career path — Meaningful work is a vital element of our happiness. It creates the feeling of giving a contribution and doing something useful with our lives. I can’t think of anything worse than spending your life working 40+ hours a week doing something you hate. Quit the job and find something you love. Work shouldn’t feel like work.
6. Choose the wrong friends — We are the average of the 5 people we hang out with. If you want to be a loser, find some loser friends. The type of people who are aimlessly wandering through life complaining about their shitty spouse, or dreadful job, while wasting their weekend away. These people make statements like: “Adulting sucks.” and “If it wasn’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all.” They know more about their favorite sports team’s statistics than they do about their own bank account. Friday night is for drinking, Saturday is for the hangover, and Sunday is for dreading Monday. These are the people who will drag you down and keep you at their level. These are the people that normalize their own loser behavior. The best thing one can do is cut ties with these folks and make better friends. Hell, it’s better to have no friends at all than to hang with people who aren’t actively trying to better themselves.
7. Ignore self-awareness — Self-awareness is a key component to a happy life and being your true self. Yet, many people lack it. It’s important to take the time to figure out what it is you want out of life. It’s also imperative to determine what circumstances are completely unacceptable. Avoiding things that are a ‘deal-breaker’ is important. In fact, one could argue that it’s more important than creating the circumstances you want. Addition by subtraction.
8. Don’t prioritize your health — I talked about health in #3 but it deserves to be mentioned on its own. When we’re unhealthy, or even sick with the common cold, there’s nothing more important than feeling better. If you want to screw up your life, do things that are bad for your health. Smoke cigarettes, eat junk food, and avoid exercise at all costs. These things catch up to us gradually and when they do there’s nothing we regret more than not taking care of ourselves. Make it a point to prioritize your health. Prevention is the best medicine.
9. Have a victim mentality — Everyone is responsible for their own life yet many people complain and shift blame onto their circumstances. This is a victim mentality and a poor life strategy in general. No one is coming to save you and if you’re in a bad spot, it is your own fault. Stop blaming others and take responsibility for yourself. It’s what adults do.
10. Waste time — Life is short and time is precious. There’s nothing worse than seeing someone waste months or years of their life. Get going and make positive changes as quickly as possible. if something isn’t working, make a pivot or quit altogether. You can gain relationships, gain money, and gain happiness, but you can’t gain time. Once it’s gone. it’s gone. Time is the ultimate currency — and the most wasted. It seems to me that those who waste time, have little value for life which is probably why — their life is fucked up.