“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.”
— Andy Rooney
There’s not much we can do about the aging process. Time is relentless. But we don’t have to grow old either. There are ways to keep the mind youthful and on point.
People that become stagnant with age are often caught in a cycle of running through the same daily routine. Up in the morning and off to work. Home at night to pig out, veg out, chill out, and watch TV. Rinse and repeat.
I’ve thought a lot about this. What makes someone stop growing? Because if you’re not growing, you are surely dying right?
When we’re children time feels prolonged. Everything we experience is new and exciting. But as we age the days move faster. They pass by quickly. The reason for this is routine. When we do the same tasks every day. With the same commute, the same job, and the same meals there’s no incentive for our brain to pay attention to the passage of time. That’s why it’s important to add variation to our schedules. To slow down our perception of time.
It’s also important to do new things. Always be learning, pursuing adventure, and meeting new people. The key is to continue developing long after your body has stopped.
Here are 7 ways to grow old.
7 Ways To Grow Old
Work a Soul-Sucking Job
This has to be one of the fastest ways people age themselves. Working 40 hours a week doing something they hate. Not to mention getting ready for work, commuting, and winding down after an exhausting day. It’s more like a 10-12 hour day for many people. And by the time we add in sleep and household responsibilities most people are lucky to have an hour or two to themselves. Day in and day out for 40+ years of your life with the hope of someday retiring and becoming free from the shackles of mindless work.
The people who stay young avoid this lifestyle at all costs. They find work that excites them and gives them energy. Work that isn’t an all-consuming personal hell. Work that has meaning.
In my opinion, most people should change careers every 5-10 years. There comes a point where you have learned everything you can from your career and you often start coasting. You have hit a ceiling and you are no longer growing which leads me to my next point.
Stop Learning
“Nobody ever figures out what life is all about, and it doesn’t matter. Explore the world. Nearly everything is really interesting if you go into it deeply enough.”
— Professor Richard Feynman
In order to continue growing as a human being you need to continue learning throughout your life. But for some reason, many people don’t. They quit reading and their curiosity becomes non-existent.
Life-long learning is at the core of personal development. It is imperative to stay curious, ask questions, and remain uncertain.
Succumb to Fear
What choice would I make if I wasn’t afraid?
Most people fail to continue to grow out of fear of making changes and losing what they’ve earned over the course of their life. They ignore the sunk cost fallacy.
If you have been stuck in an unhappy marriage for twenty years, you can’t get that time back. You can’t get back the possible happiness you could have experienced. It is all sunk costs. Unrecoverable. Yet most people don’t see it this way. Their core belief is they have made an investment and can’t give up on it now. The same principle applies to people who feel stuck in their career.
Fear of the unknown also drives people into staying in their comfort zone. They’re not necessarily happy, just comfy. And the thought of trading comfort for an uncertain future is enough to keep them living with low-grade misery for the rest of their lives.
On average, people who take a leap and make a big change wind up happier in the long run but fear stops them from doing the things deep down they know they should do.
Another way to frame this is to practice ‘regret minimization’ — make decisions you won’t regret on your deathbed.
Most people don’t do this though. They slowly let the fear of the unknown suck the life out of them.
Let Circumstances Rob You of Energy
I shut the voicemail feature off on my phone and turned on do not disturb 4 years ago. It’s been that way ever since. Why? Because I can’t stand talking on the phone and I loathe listening to voicemails. I also avoid people who have a propensity toward drama. As James Altucher once wrote: “Avoid people who lead you to their little corner of hell.”
We all have things we don’t want to do. But that doesn’t mean we can’t mitigate these things and stick to the ones that give us energy rather than take it. But for some strange reason, many people think arguing about politics is a good use of their time. Or gossiping and fueling on their drama-ridden friends.
Either way, if you want to grow old, continue with these habits and allow them to steal your energy. But there are other ways.
Most people should make what writer Mike Thompson calls a ‘Vampire List’ — a list of things that exhausted you.
At the end of each day, make a list of the people and activities that made you feel drained and depleted. Then find ways to avoid doing those things. Whether it be doing dishes, answering phone calls, or listening to your coworker complain about others.
Inversely, you could also make a list of the things that gave you energy, and try to do more of those.
Let The Day Run You
“A man is worked upon what he works on.”
— Fredrick Douglass
Answering calls, replying to emails, putting out fires, dealing with other people’s emergencies, and mindless busyness. If this describes your day you are working on someone else’s schedule, not yours. I suggest the life-changing power of saying no.
People who grow old do these activities mindlessly leaving little time for exploration, personal growth, exercise, and self-care. They run from one thing to the next with little thought. How we spend our days is how we spend our lives the saying goes.
Or, in the words of Seth Godin: “There are no points for busy.”
Fail to Seek Adventure
Set out to live a kick-ass life. Do amazing things that pull you from your comfort zone. Experience the full spectrum of living.
Again, to slow down the perception of time and grow as a person it is important to experience new things. Find adventure and build a collection of great stories to tell.
Most don’t though. They stay in their bubble where it’s safe and cozy — suffering from low-grade misery while wishing they could do more with their life. I blew up a twenty-year career to start writing. It was invigorating, scary as shit, and I am loving every torturous minute of it. No regrets. And if I can do it, so can you.
Do the things you have always wanted to do and be unapologetic about it. Seek to do it all.
Stop Building Identity Capital
“Do you have a style? If not, please think about acquiring one.”
— David Leddick
Identity Capital is defined as a unique set of skills and experiences. A collection of things that when bound together make you unique. People who quit building Identity Capital early in life stagnate. They fail to continue to grow, thus making them grow old.
Author Steven Pressfield wrote: “When we embark on our hero’s journey, we are seeking our individual culture, whether we realize it or not. The climax of that journey is our discovery of that voice, those gifts, that unique point of view.”
We all know the person who we would describe as ‘peaked in high school.’ The person who failed to evolve beyond the brick-and-mortar prison full of lockers and lunch ladies. Perhaps they were known for their athletic skills in school but failed to continue to build Identity Capital. They may have had a personal culture that was once valued among their peers but it failed to evolve.
Identity Capital is something we should continue to build throughout our lives. You can never have too much. And a personal culture that can withstand the test of time while evolving is a must. You can be the same person you’ve always been and still change your mind. The two are not mutually exclusive.
Those who stand still, or are set in their ways aren’t growing. They’re just getting old by refusing to proactively add to their library of knowledge and skills. They become obsolete.
And a personal culture of things you are known for is an asset that will serve you throughout your life. Just as long as you are willing to let that culture evolve over time. Most people don’t think about this and continue to grow old and outdated.
Final Thoughts
People grow old because they don’t change. They have accepted circumstances that at one point in time they may have found unacceptable. But because of fear, lack of self-awareness, and the refusal to continue learning and taking risks, they get stuck. And most don’t even know it.
But you and I know better. We continue to maintain our youth by accepting change, mitigating stress, and building Identity Capital with tools like learning, risk-taking, and adventure-seeking. At least I hope.