Someone asked me the other day how I define the term ‘life design’ — a term I use frequently and, I’m embarrassed to say, I didn’t have a definition. I suppose anyone could come up with a personalized idea of what life design entails but quite honestly, I didn’t have a clear answer.
After some thought, I came up with work, leisure, and relationships. These are the three main ways in which we spend our time and when I use the term ‘life design’ I mean being intentional about these things.
Regardless of this foggy definition, I thought this could use a little more examination. Here is what I consider life design.
The Three Pillars of Life Design
Work
It takes up most of our waking hours. And when we’re not working, we’re often thinking about work, commuting to and from work, or recovering from a long day’s employment.
Meaningful work is a cornerstone of a life well-lived. And since there aren’t many of us who can escape it, we are best served to find work that makes us happy and fulfilled. It’s important to avoid work that drains our souls or makes us feel exploited.
I am sure almost everyone reading this has worked a job that was unsatisfactory if not excruciatingly miserable at some point in their life. I am also sure that crappy job affected other aspects of your life as well.
Shitty work affects our downtime and even our relationships. We pay the price through unhealthy choices like happy hour at the local watering hole, takeout, and Netflix to drown away the pain of the workday and the dreadful thoughts of the next upcoming shift.
I have been in this situation and a favorite writer of mine calls this ‘the misery tax.’ The little extras that we give ourselves to cope with the pain of mindnumbing work like booze, cigarettes, junk food, and our zombie-like attention to low-tier cinema and television. The misery tax is the little extra we pay to wind down after a long day of miserable work.
To be honest, I can’t think of a worse way to go through life. I know, there are worse fates than a job you hate like cancer or a terminal illness but unsatisfying work as a whole is a slow painful death. It can go on forever. Some people bounce from job to job throughout their lives and never find employment that makes them happy. Something that raises their spirits and makes them feel good by letting them contribute something meaningful. Work that transcends and adds value. Work that makes us proud.
I think if you were to be intentional about life design, work would be a priority over leisure with relationships being a close second and I say that because it is possible to be alone and happy but you are probably still going to have to make a living. There’s really no way around it so it is best to make a living in such a way that it makes us happy and brings a rewarding feeling at the end of the day.
Leisure
How do we spend our free time and do we have enough of it? Hustle culture has made a sin of relaxation. We have developed a culture of non-stop busyness. And one of the most important parts of life is spending our time as we see fit.
In ancient cultures, leisure was for the wealthy and in modern times it is for the lazy — or so we’ve been conditioned to think.
Personally, I am a huge fan of doing nothing. Yes, it’s fun to explore, read, vacation, and so forth but there are times it is satisfying to do absolutely nothing, be worthless, or idle as they say.
Without sufficient leisure, there would be no reward from work. Enjoy the fruits of your labor the saying goes and there is no better leisure than the type that comes from a satisfying day of work well done.
Leisure is when we have the time to catch up with friends, read, learn, recharge, reflect, and find our north star.
A life design should include ample time for recreation and if we think of our lives like a three-legged stool with each leg representing work, leisure, and relationships each leg needs to be intact and at the same length for balance and sturdiness.
Relationships
This is probably going to be my weakest point as I’m very good at working and relaxing however people aren’t my strong point so all I have to offer you is this: People either lift us up or drag us down. The quality of our relationships directly affects the quality of our lives.
And in my opinion, if someone is toxic or sucks the energy out of your body like a soulless vampire they should be swiftly cut from your life. I’m talking about the people that make us cringe when they call, the ones who are forever causing un-needed dama, and or just make us feel bad whenever we are around them.
James Altucher once wrote, “avoid people that lead you to their little corner of hell” or something of the sort, and it has stuck with me for a long time. There are a lot of people that do this.
Conversely, the world is full of amazing people and it is our job to find them and make friends with them. By cutting out toxic people we make room for those we love. The people that make us feel good, the ones we learn from, laugh with, and those who improve our lives.
Those are the people that matter. Those are the ones who enhance our life design.
Final Note
This is my definition of life design and yours may be very different. My talking points feel very accurate to me however my thinking feels a little muddy. I’ll try to clarify.
Each thing is almost equally important for a meaningful and happy life. Fulfilling work, sufficient leisure, and quality relationships don’t happen by accident. We have to be intentional about these things and that’s where life design comes into the picture. Most people have a lifestyle but few set out to design their lives.
The problem lies when we use one thing to mask the discomfort of another. For example, using work as an excuse to avoid toxic people or leisure to avoid a job we dislike.
A life design is an intentional way of looking at all three things and optimizing each one for maximum enjoyment, fulfillment, etc.
When one of these things is off balance the other two almost always suffer making it important to consider all three as a whole. In short, to live a happy life, we must be able to find enjoyment in all aspects of it. Or, at the very least, try.